Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Monologues: Tabling on the Mall

Dear Students: Please don't be afraid. The vaginas are here and we don't bite. There's no need to cut such a wide swath around our table. Dear Rudies: There's someone talking to you. The least you could do is acknowledge me. There is no need to look past me as I'm trying to talk to you, or pretend to talk on your cellphone as you walk by. I'm here, acknowledge me. At the very least, a polite 'no thank you' would suffice. Dear Men Who Giggle and Smirk: Acting like you're too cool to talk about vaginas isn't impressing anyone that you've ever gotten any before. Dear Women Who Ignore Me: You have a vagina. The fact that you're too terrified to engage someone about it speaks reams of the patriarchy of our society and the desperate need for Monologues like these. Instead of acting like I have the plague just because I'm willing to talk about mine, maybe we should hear from yours. Dear Embarassed and Insecure "Manly" Men: Yes, you can go to the Monologues, too. Your masculinity will not be questioned if you go or take your girlfriend to the Monologues. Really. Dear Voyeurs: What? It's a chocolate shaped like a vagina. Quit tittering, quit asking for a preview and just fucking buy one or get out of the way. You act like you've never seen a vagina before. Dear Men Who Ask Us For Dates: What makes you think that a woman empowered enough to get on stage and explore her sexuality in dramatic form is going to whore herself out in order to get you to buy a ticket? Dear Morally Offended: Vagina is not a slur. Sorry. Dear Dumb Querient: No, I wouldn't care if someone sold a chocolate penis on the UofA mall. Hell, I'd buy one and enjoy giving it a good licky-lick. Dear Mormon Conservative: There is no pornography in the Monologues. Homosexuality is not a sin. Just because the Monologues might support a liberal viewpoint isn't reason enough to protest it. Just because the Monologues was written for women does not mean that it's a propaganda vehicle for unadulterated abortions. Just because I'm Asian and I know something about Comfort Women doesn't give you the right to inquire about a) when my family immigrated here, or b) why this issue matters to me (i.e., fishing for some personal account of a long-lost exotic jade grandmother brutally raped and humiliated by a Japanese military unit). And just because you were taught somewhere that you should hate and protest the Monologues in any form doesn't mean you should start organizing your picket line before you've ever seen the show. If you're still asking me what the play is about, perhaps you should buy a ticket, support the charities, and edu-ma-cate thyself. Dear Organizers of the Monologues: Not "all proceeds" are going to the battered women of Tucson. While 90% are going there, 10% are going to the "Comfort Women". Just because their stories are too difficult to explain to the average passerby does not mean you should ignore their plight and pretend they are not benefitting from our fundraising. Isn't that just another means of shoving them back into that box of exilement and abandonment they're trying to claw out of? Dear All Who Bought a Ticket, a Chocolate, or a Tattoo: Thank you.


Blogger Maureen said...

Haha. Reminds me of tabling at Cornell for health services, pedalling our condoms and chocolate kisses. Those Mormon conservatives and Manly men can go to hell. Everyone else needs to grow up. There's nothing threatening about a vagina.

(Good luck on your monologue!)

2/07/2006 06:45:00 AM  
Anonymous tekanji said...

This is the first year I won't have one of the chocolates *cry* I miss my university.

2/07/2006 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger Noumena said...

It isn't just the Mormon conservatives. The Monologues are at the centre of a shitstorm over 'academic freedom' at Notre Dame; you can read one of the 'clearly well-informed' attacks on the Monologues here.

2/07/2006 05:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey - Good on you for taking up a role! Go Girl Go! And have fun, too....

2/07/2006 06:46:00 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

Geh, I wish we had vagina shaped chocolates at our school. And the vagina monologues too.

2/11/2006 02:48:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

well, it's not a chocolate vagina, but you can always buy some temporary tattoos from me :)

2/11/2006 08:19:00 PM  

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