Tuesday, June 21, 2005

A "Flame" Generator

To rival my Republican legislation name generator is the Flame generator, a simple piece of coding that could probably do a better job writing a disagreement to a politicized opinion than the real life detractors ever could. To write a good flame, the author must cover as many of the following counter-arguments as possible, preferably repeatedly with little organization of thought or supporting evidence:

  • I am [insert minority identity here], therefore am equally or better qualified to being the spokesperson for the community than you.
  • I'm [insert identity here] and I don't think the way you do, therefore you're wrong.
  • I liked/agree with [insert topic of review or post]... therefore nothing could possibly be wrong with it! ... right?
  • Telling me that the [insert topic of review or post] that I liked/agreed with is bad/racist/sexist/homophobic/etc means that I'm bad/racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. Since I'm not a bad/racist/sexist/homophobic/etc person, you must obviously be wrong.
  • [Insert long-winded anecdotal story that may or may not contradict the point of the piece]. Therefore, you're wrong.
  • You're saying [an argument that was not even remotely in the original post]. That's so dumb -- [proceed to argue against said argument].
  • You're seeking connections where none exists. E.g., obviously disparate payment between men and women for equal job descriptions has nothing to do with sexism.
  • You're over-thinking it. Movies, books, television, news, President Bush obviously has no influence on modern American culture.
  • My [insert holy icon] says you're wrong, therefore you must be.
  • You're being too sensitive. Can't you take a joke?
  • I disagree with you, so you must hate America, you pinko, flag-burning hippie. Go live in [insert Communist country], you America-hater.
  • You [insert random ad hominem attack here]! (repeat this one as often as possible because this will most likely be the greatest weapon in your arsenal)
Make sure you disregard all accepted standards of punctuation, grammar or even paragraph and line spacing. Then, sign your letter and send it your target with the typical posturing or one who expects to have just won the "argument". Since I started writing movie reviews, a few of them (re-posted on other sites) have become A-list attractors of the typical flamers. My most infamous review, however, seems to be my Team America review, which has prompted, over the last several months, a small cadre of people who seem to feel the need to defend the film from its oppressors, i.e. me. Obviously, not everyone went to see Team America for a biting discussion of race politics in America, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. In my review (geared towards the politicized Asian American audience since I was, at the time, a guest contributor to a couple of those sites), I focussed on the political aspects of Team America as a symptom of a larger new-found irreverance towards political correctness. Reading back over that review (pardon the formatting, I haven't had the time to go back and reformat my archives after the layout change), it glosses over the negativity of Team America but is little more than a summary of all things offensive, without much analysis. Nonetheless, as I blogged about before, this particular review seems to goad the flamers into a right tizzy -- I periodically get some delightful "flames", or disagreements, at least, over that particular piece. Here's the latest. Check out how much it fits my flame generator guidelines:
Hello, My name is Ryan Mizokawa i myself am Asian-American and found your review of the film Team America World Police to be very closed minded. First off it is a movie to not be taken seriously, furthermore i myself was not offended by this film. It actually was quite laughable to me that you were so passionate for your dislike of this film. If anything you totally missed the entire point of the film. To me the film shows that we as Americans can poke fun at ourselves even in these trying times, where many countries have a strong dislike for ours. I am proud to be American and think that you probably went into this film with all these preconceived notions of not likeing this film, just so you could rant about how racially insensitive this film was and to try and get people to side with your opinions without them even reviewing the movie. I would also like to add that I viewed this film with several other Asian-Americans, and not one was offended. Now I bet you will try and tell me that I am insensitive as well or something of the like, however i really believe that is not the issue, and more so you go on to say that you felt like you yourself was the butt of Trey Parker and Matt Stones joke, well maybe you had a rough childhood and should seek some professional help, because i think that you are way too sensitive. I also feel if that is how you feel that is not a good representation of "The Asian American perspectives" of this film. Also I hope you feel better about yourself for pretty much in my opinion not giving a fair review of the film. Now i totally respect that you are entitled to your own opinion since, that is what makes this land great, however if you have such a problem with a little film maybe you should move to the land of Kim Jong IL and live in North Korea under his dictatorship, because obviously you as well are so very ronery. Have a Good day Sincerely, Ryan Mizokawa
I plan on responding later today, but... wow, wouldn't it be nice to get a creative flame for a change?


Blogger James said...

My suggestion? Smack this fool silly with your response. I'm so sick of every discussion on the racial aspects of a pop culture event devolving into an "I'm more (insert-minority-here) than you!" contest.

And you are right, the flames do get repetitive after a while.

6/22/2005 04:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Toney Blair said...

Jenn sounds like the most pathetic, over-senstative, "BITCH" there is...

A classic left wing lesbian with a big ass, and who is mad at the world for not accepting her, or giving a shit about what she thinks.

6/30/2005 09:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha she totally does seem like a big ass having feminist who cant take a joke. If she does have a man hes probably a fat porker as well

7/07/2005 04:06:00 AM  
Anonymous JAMES said...

hey dont make fun of jenn. shes my friend and she may not be attractive but that doesnt mean you need to make fun of her. wow you people need to grow up its not how ugly you are its how witty you are that counts

7/07/2005 04:16:00 AM  

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