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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Today was the Day

I just got into work, after saying good-bye to electroman at the airport. It's weird. There've been two or three false starts. Several more trial runs. But as you're standing there, realizing for the first time in six years, for the next foreseeable future, you'll spend more days waking up alone, more nights hearing whispered 'i love you's' over a crackly phone line, all you can think about is how this is the end of an era. And even though you wish you could just climb into that oversized suitcase and stow away with him, DHS be damned, the only thing that reverberates in your head is how much this, this right now, is the moment you've been dreading. Like a ticking timebomb, the seconds are counting, and it's like you're watching two actors play the moment that you've been thinking about for months. It never happens like it does in the movies: there's no sweeping indoor wind, no build-up of orchestral music twinging the heartstrings, no single rolling tear on the face of an otherwise impeccable heroine; only puffy eyes and runny noses, balled up McDonalds napkins for tissue, hair askew from too little sleep, fluorescent track lighting and Syracuse morning news on a TV in the corner, and a couple of sleepy security guard as your backup as you play out your scene. And the funny thing is, as I stood there holding him, sobbing into his silly salmon-coloured shirt, I couldn't help remembering a similar couple in a similar airport in Tucson whispering similar reassurances over similar tears. I remember idly wondering, over my kitzchy souvenir cactus and fresh welcome-weekend angst, what circumstances could cause such public displays of passion and sorrow. Now I know. That was their day. Today is ours. I know this is the "right" thing to do. I know I'll see him again in two weeks. I know we're making the best of it all. I know that we have to be strong. I know right now that none of that matters. Right now, I'm terrified.

9 Comments:

Blogger phillyjay said...

Well, good luck with school(it is a new college you're going to right?)
Hope everything works out you two guys in the long run :)

5/31/2005 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger James said...

Don't be scared, sweetie.

I'll be back before ya know it.

:)

6/01/2005 12:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Szczewik said...

Wow, I'm from Upper Silesia, (it's some kind of region between German, Czech Republic and Poland - I live in Poland) and I must say, that your blog (and all this website) is great! SIN CITY movie is in my country now on the big screens and Your article (was it Yours?) SKIN CITY was great pleasure to read. I copy it and add to my own blog. If You want, You can write to me... szczewik@op.pl

6/02/2005 08:36:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Szczewik, thanks for leaving a comment! I'd be very flattered if you wanted to repost anything i have to say on your site! Yeah, I did write Skin City... ^_^ Overall I loved the movie but... well, you read the post.

I look forward to hearing from you!

James, I love you too, sweetheart.

6/02/2005 11:23:00 AM  
Anonymous unfurling said...

god, such sadness. Hope you make the best of it with the phone calls, letters and vignettes of intimacy.

6/02/2005 01:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Szczewik said...

Well, I'm idle boy, now... Two weeks ago I'v just finished my studies on Univeristy of Silesia in Katowice (this is the name the biggest city in Upper Silesia). I'v been studing Culural Studies (Culture of Literature exactly), I'm 24 years old and now I'm looking for a job which is different in my region, because we have big changes here, but I'm not complain. I'v read GENERATION X by Douglas Coupland, and I enjoy my unemployment very well. Oh yeah! Ha ha ha...

Earlier we have here only coal mines and ironworks and communism system of course, but now Poland is democratic country, we are in European Union and we are... unemployment. So I live with my parents, I'm looking for a job and I'm trying to learn english and german.

Of course it's not that simple (I am learning english for a long, long time and I still doing many mistakes - You can see them right now when You read this), but I'm still trying and Your blog and Yours articles are for me really big help!

Are You some kind of jurnalist? Earlier I was reading movie-reviews from New York Times, but now I prefer Your texts.
I have one question too: Is fembot some kind of a female robot???

Well, that's it for today.

Bye! (And my real name is Peter! In polish language Piotr in silesian language-dialect Pyjter), but You can call me Szczewik of corse which mean in silesian dialect "shoe", but also "young, and a little bit crazy and funny guy".

6/03/2005 01:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Szczewik (Peter) said...

I hope, that soon You gonna write here something new! I'm waiting, and in the meantime I read Your earlier posts! After read Your review about SKY CAPITAN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW I'v taken this film on DVD and watched it yesterday. Maybe You should write something about ELEKTRA too! I see that You like unmask Hollywood's stereotypes about people from Asia and probably in ELEKTRA movie will be a lot of such a stereotypical and stupid thinking about people from Asia.

6/05/2005 05:10:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Hey Peter, sorry I've been a little MIA. :)

"Is fembot some kind of a female robot???"

Yep, a fembot is a female, hypersexualized robot. Think Austin Powers. ^_^

6/07/2005 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

*finishes reading your comments*

welcome to the site, Peter :) I'm glad you've enjoyed everything on here and I hope you continue to read and post comments!! I'd love to hear your perspectives on reading so much stuff so deeply ingrained in American culture from a non-American's perspective. :)

6/07/2005 02:02:00 PM  

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