Monday, March 21, 2005

The '... mmm' Noise

So now that I'm officially going to Arizona, I've started letting people know. I've committed to spending the next five years in Tucson, and electroman is fairly certain he wants to stay on the East Coast. (I asked him to at least think about going to Tucson for awhile, though, even if I understand and support the reasons why he doesn't want to.) Most people are thrilled when they hear my news, but invariably the next question is 'So what about electroman?', to which I answer that he wants to stay somewhere on the East and we'll be doing the long distance thing. And inevitably, the querent will furrow his brow and make a low '...mmm' noise. Like '...mmm, that doesn't sound good', or '...mmm, well, that won't last long', or '...mmm, never gonna happen'. A.S. (guy from the lab) made the noise today. When I told him how much I don't like it, he said "Well... I guess, I'll just say it won't be easy. But what do you want to hear? People saying 'Oh, congratulations!' or 'That'll be great!!' or something? That'd be lying..." I've got enough of an insecurity problem when it comes to our relationship. Six years later, I've never been happier being with electroman. God and him willing, I could spend the rest of my life with him and never look back. But, I can't help but let that '...mmm' noise terrify me -- electroman and I were never good with long distances. He would think too much and I would get oversensitive. I know you're not supposed to make important life choices based upon where your S.O. is going to be -- I mean, I really hated the Cornell PhD program, but at the same time, it would've made staying with electroman and visiting him much easier. Nonetheless, I really think the Arizona program fit me well, and I'm a little excited about a change of scenery. I dunno, I guess I'm just trying to articulate that the most horrifying part about having just made this life decision is the uncertainty of me and electroman. God, I don't want to lose him. And that noise that everyone makes doesn't help. For once, I'd just like people to lie to me.


Blogger phillyjay said...

Ouch, a 5 year long distance relationship.Well it CAN work, I've seen it accomplished in person (7 year relationship my brother had in another country with his now fiancee, and a 4 year relationship with my best friend and his girl).But from what I've been told by them, you gotta have reaaaally stong feelings for that person, constant contact via phone letters or visits, determination, lots of trust, and a whole lotta love for it to work.Well, either way I wish the both of you luck :)

3/22/2005 01:42:00 AM  

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