Sunday, December 19, 2004

Jingle Hell

I'm really not in the Christmas spirit. Somehow, Santa Claus totally passed me by this year -- now, anyone who knows me knows that I really get into the holiday stuff. My favourite one is Halloween, but Christmas is a close second. I sing lots of carols, get really into the kitchy lights and stuff ... hell, I used to put out cookies for Santa, and then eat them the next morning (this was in my teens, so I knew there was no Santa. Not like there was any pretense at my house). So, this year, I have no idea why, but I find myself a week before Christmas not having any holiday spirit. I'm annoyed by the incessant carolling on the radio, and if I see Santa in the mall, I very well might kick him in the nuts one good time. I guess it's the commercialization and the inundation -- I mean, they started selling us Christmas in October! I'm exhausted by it all, I just want the whole thing over so I can get on with my life without being guilt-tripped by my television into feeling all warm and fuzzy. Speaking of guilt-trip, here's my other dilemma. About two weeks ago, my dad calls me up while I'm in T.O., saying that he might come home for Christmas, but he doesn't know because he's mad busy. I pay it no mind -- he does that a lot, and he usually ends up having to cancel a trip because a meeting or something will come up. Then, yesterday, I get this email: he's going to Toronto from the 23rd through to the 28th. I'm thinking, 'Oh, my God'. I haven't seen him in a year and a half -- I guess I might have to go home. But I really, really was looking forward to having a few days on my own to just concentrate on all the things I haven't had a chance to work on -- like my grad apps. I wanted to hole up, skip Christmas, and just deal with the things that are fast becoming a problematic deadline. I've examined the home-going possibilities -- a co-worker is driving through T.O. at the right time, so she can give me a lift up, but it's up to me to come back. I will take the bus, because I simply won't put my parents through a holiday trip to the States, plus having a deadline to go back is better (I'll need to leave the 26th or 27th, just so I'm not totally losing out on my grad prep time). Frankly, though, I simply need the time to myself. So here comes the decision: do I do some last minute arranging to trek all the way to Toronto to spend a holiday I don't care about with my father, who will probably spend the whole time sleeping, then dragging us out to dinner (not to mention that it'll be the first time since I'll have seen and spoken to my sister since Anthony's wedding... oooh, the tension)? Or do I be (possibly) necessarily selfish and take the time to really concentrate on the remaining apps I have to send out, in order to make them better than the rush job I did with Cornell? I'm in Jingle Hell.


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